BENT WOOKEE COMIX (..we have issues..)

BENT WOOKEE COMIX (..we have issues..)
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NEW COMICS THIS WEEK!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

THE TWO BATMANS

Okay, I waited for the entire R.I.P. series to come out in BATMAN before I read it or DETECTIVE COMICS. Here is my comparison / review of the two stories.


First BATMAN: I’ll admit, I didn’t go into this one with any hopes of feeling good about it. I think GRANT MORRISON sucks as a writer. It’s like he suffers from A.D.D. In the last page of the last issue, Jezebel Jett had discovered Bruce Wayne was Batman. In this issue, it’s like she’s known he’s Batman for years. There isn’t a sense of excitement on either of their parts, like say when Mary Jane Watson first discovered Peter Parker was Spider-Man. And the chemistry between them is so bland and melodramatic, it’s like I’m reading a love arc from the 70’s only without the nostalgia. And then there was her irritating, “Are you sure you’re not the head of the Black Glove? Maybe you’re the crazy one.” I was waiting for someone to kill her off until I realized, WAY before it was revealed, what her plot twist was…and I didn’t care.


Then you have the Joker. I’m not sure how I feel about the way they took his character here. In a previous story, one of the fake Batman’s Morrison introduced in an earlier arc that may or may not kind of tie in with this arc (don’t ask me, I stopped caring), shoots the Joker in the head…right between the eyes…and the Joker lives. So now he’s all Marylyn Mansony with a long white gown, slicked back hair and a permanently scarred grin. During the story, he even cuts his own tongue right down the middle so he’s all serpentine. He was kind of interesting, mainly because he was still mostly the Joker and WAY more of a threat than the Black Glove (duh duh DUH!), who’s members he dispatched with comical (pardon the pun) ease. Still, with Heath Ledger’s Joker and the Joker from Brian Azzerello’s JOKER trade coming out this year, I found Marylyn Manson Joker kind of gimmicky.


Okay, CRAZY BATMAN! Maybe Morrison finds sane Batman boring because he’s gone to the crazy well more than a few times in in dealing with his character. In R.I.P., Batman’s identity is stolen from him. But it’s okay, he has a back-up: the Batman from Zur-En-Arrh! This Batman is a Batman without the Bruce Wayne side, which has apparently been holding him up all these years. Without Bruce Wayne, Batman can tap into his hidden powers, like talking to gargoyle statues and having his own mentor from the fifth dimension, or the dimension of “Imagination” (yeah Bat-Mite). I actually like this incarnation of Bat-Mite as part of Batman’s psychosis, although I could do with out the red, yellow and purple outfit Batman wears through most of this story.


Have I saved the best for last? No! The main villains, the ones who set out to kill Batman in this piece of $#!+ are called “THE BLACK GLOVE” (duh duh DUH!). Like a glove, they have only five members (although one of them is a woman). The first one we meet is M’Sieur Le Bossu. He’s a tiny hunchback guy who has his own army of gargoyle men (Zur-En-Arrh Batman should try talking to these guys). He’s small and stubby so I guess he’s the thumb. Then there’s the leader who calls himself “DOCTOR HURT.” He’s a failed actor who thinks he’s Thomas Wayne. He knows Bruce Wayne is Batman, where the Batcave and all Batman’s secrets. Maybe this was explained somewhere in Morrison’s run on Batman but, really, I stopped caring. Anyway, I place this guy as the Black Glove’s middle finger because he’s such a dick he doesn’t even introduce us to the other members.


Oh yeah, remember how the Black Glove only has a member for each digit? Well it appears Doctor Hurt’s doctorate wasn’t in math because there are EIGHT of them! And that’s not even counting Jezebel Jett (spoiler alert)! Here are the other members: Diving Suit Guy, Mime Guy, Gay Joker, Bucket Head, Silver Fetish Girl, and Sombrero (actually his real name). I guess Grant Morrison didn’t bother introducing them after taking a good hard look at the concept art. Anyway, most of them are dead now.


As you can tell, I didn’t much like this story. It was boring, long-winded, and it jumped around a lot. I thought that I would have to read Detective Comics to get the rest of the story, but it turns out the Detective Comics R.I.P. arc had nothing to do with this garbage (thank God). And when Batman “dies,” I could really care less. I canceled my subscription to Batman and Detective Comics after reading this arc. Then I read the Detective Comics take on R.I.P. and I decided to stay on that title. Here’s why:


PAUL DINI is one of the best writers working today. Especially on Batman. He knows the character, the supporting cast, the villains, the city better than anyone I think working in DC today (with exception, maybe, to Denny O’Neal who will be doing a two-part story next month in the Batman books). And he respects the characters in a way that no one else does. He continually writes great Batman stories without the use of gimmicky, shocking twists. He doesn’t need to drastically change the character to put his stamp on him. He puts his stamp on Batman by writing some of the best Batman stories ever.


I’d also like to mention DUSTIN NGUYEN who’s been penciling Detective for the past few Dini arcs. What can I say, aside from sharing his first name with everyone’s favorite BENT WOOKIEE COMIX employee, I simply love the way he draws Batman and Gotham City. And in this story he lays out a Bat-Cave far more extensive and impressive than I’ve ever seen before (Sorry Mr. Lee). He actually shows every car ever seen in a Batman comic, Cartoon, TV show, movie or my imagination.


Okay, as mentioned, this story has nothing to do with the “Black Glove” (duh duh DUH!) arc from Batman. There is an early mention of the evil group and Jezebel Jett but then it’s off to our story about Hush’s attempt to destroy Batman. Now, I liked the “Hush” twelve issue run in BATMAN mostly because of the “villain of the month” aspect and, of course, the fact that JIM LEE was doing Batman. But I wasn’t crazy about the Hush character. In fact, I was annoyed when they brought him back.


But this just shows what a great writer Paul Dini is. Here, he took a character I could give two farts about and made him interesting. I actually found myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, Batman didn’t die in that explosion that everyone witnessed from afar and never found his body (spoiler alert). That maybe Hush would kill him in this arc. I mean, at least Hush is menacing. Batman deserves better than to be killed by The Village People of crime.


Okay, this story resolves around Batman’s love for Selina Kyle. He hides it. He doesn’t want it. But it’s there. The two of them team up to go after a Doctor Aesop (he uses Aesop’s Fables to do away with his enemies). He’s a way cooler villain even though we don’t get to spend much time with him before Hush shows up and kills him dead.


Hush has used some of his family fortune to buy a run down hospital which he plans to use as a base of operations (again, the pun was accidental). From here he plans to destroy Batman and all he holds dear. There are flashbacks throughout the story explaining in more detail why Hush hates Bruce Wayne. Some of this was explained in the Batman “Hush” story arc, but here we get to see it in greater detail. If some of the overbearing aspects of his mother had been included in that run, maybe it wouldn’t have felt so wanting in the end.

The Wonderland Gang makes a brief appearance here, sans The Mad Hatter. Zatanna also shows up to set up a plot point that is so cleverly placed that you don’t realize it’s a plot point until the end of the story. The Scarecrow is used by Hush in his plan to undo Batman. So is Mister Freeze, who shows up in a brief flashback. The Joker gets a cameo that is really funny (funny Ha-Ha not funny Oh My God, Sick!). And yet none of these characters are used in a way that takes any attention from the main villain, Hush. He is clearly the bad guy here, using his medical skills to shocking ends.


I know it seems like I gave away a lot here but honestly I didn’t. Each series is full of twists and complexities. Morrison’s I found to be unintentional and tedious. Dini’s I found way too clever to spoil them all. Of course everyone has there own tastes so you might want to check them both out. If so, head on down to Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. See ya there!

Friday, November 28, 2008

BLACK FRIDAY (AND SATURDAY) COUPON!!


Here's a SPECIAL BLACK FRIDAY (AND SATURDAY) COUPON for you our loyal customers. As if the joy brought to you by the writing style of our contributors wasn't ENOUGH, Now you get SPECIAL DEALS!
FRIDAY AND SATURDAY....WITH THIS MAGIC COUPON...50% OFF ANY ONE ITEM (....one per customer....all proceeds benefit the store...not valid in Florida....)
Just print out the coupon, cut it out, and write your e-mail address at the bottom. It's that easy!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

NEW COMIC DAY, WEDNESDAY NOV. 26 OPEN AFTER 2

I've just recieved a cryptic e-mail from Vinson about opening the store later.
He does promise to be there with NEW COMICS at 2:00.
I think he's just a master of suspense.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Archibald "Archie" Andrews: Master of the Dutch Rudder

I Went To See The Moloids And All I Got Was This Lousy Glowstick

First things first, I have no captured Brandon nor have I murdered him. I will confess that I have attempted to wrangle Brandon into trips to both Toronto and New Jersey but he always finds excuses to stay close to his lady. With that being said, I believe the reason he posted a lovely picture of Megan (Ms. Fox if you're nasty) laying around wearing what we would have seen if Eve didn't bite that damn apple, is because my influence has finally manifested itself. If I was allowed to show full blown porn on my main site, I would be doing that daily, but I can't so I have to go with much more subtle images. It looks like Brandon is following the same course, and to that, I say "Bravo, sir".

Second, I figured I'd better post a review about something before Vinson starts reviewing stereo instructions because it seems like he is hitting everything but comics right now. Do I plan on doing a review of "Punisher War Zone" when it comes out? Probably not. Unless Ms. Fox (I'm nasty) makes a cameo as the peasant girl the Mexican villagers offer to Frank as a form of thanks for coming to their village. If I was directing the scene, it would be a point of view shot, looking down on Ms. Fox while she works...um, what were we talking about?

Oh yes, a review. How about Wolverine #69? Let's face it, I was going to review this book because of the number alone. That's how I roll, like I'm still in the fifth grade.


We are onto Part 4 of "Old Man Logan", which is set 50 years in the future. Most of the heroes died in some event that hasn't been explained yet, but Wolverine is still alive, as is the former Avenger Hawkeye. Hawkeye comes to Logan for help driving across country to deliver some unnamed precious cargo to the East Coast. Logan has sworn off violence and only agrees to take Hawkeye because he needs the money. I guess the mortgage crisis doesn't get any better in the future.

The issue starts out with Hawkeye about to get whacked by his mocha colored daughter Ashley, who is the new Spider-Girl. Logan drives the Spider-Jeep or whatever it is called through the wall to make the save. He grabs him just in time and they make their escape by the most unconventional means possible. Ashley sends her goons out after them. In a scene that could have been in Mad Max if the apocalypse occurred in suburbia (did you see the punch bug towing the trailer in pursuit?), the heroes try to outrun their pursuers. The ground opens up like Paris Hilton on a first date and everyone is swallowed up into a cavernous hole. Insert Paris joke here.

Logan wakes up a few hours later to discover the Moloids have been dining like they were at an all you can eat Chinese buffet. Of course, they don't have to pay extra for crab legs they won't eat. Logan finds Hawkeye, blind but still intact, and they make their escape by driving up the caverns walls. It is the Spider-Jeep or whatever it is called after all.

They make their way through the country side and some interesting sights can be seen but are not explained. How could dinosaurs survive in Wyoming? What happened to Loki in a big fight Logan missed? Why is the Venom symbiote without a host in the South Dakota mountains? Who is that fifth head carved into Mount Rushmore? These questions are not answered at this point, but hopefully they will be soon.

Logan and Hawkeye stop for a beer in Iowa and are hassled by two locals who think Wolverine likes it in through the out door. The old Wolverine is starting to emerge as he tackles the homophobe to the ground and asks him if he wants Logan to pop his brain cherry. I'm sure that would hurt worse than the regular cherry. Logan storms outside and Hawkeye wants to know what happened to him all those years ago. Logan's answer: "Sit down an' I'll tell you."

What is Logan going to say? How did he survive when all the other heroes fell? What did they do to him exactly? I haven't had this much anticipation for the next comic since I first started reading "The Boys". Wanna know what happens next or catch up on Parts 1 through 3? Buy the books, available at Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. See ya there!

Friday, November 21, 2008

QUANTUM OF SOLACE


Brandon told me not to do it but I read the online reviews on the new James Bond. And let me tell you if I hear “more Bourne than Bond” one more time I will eat someone’s face (I know, even I winced at that)! On the top of my list of whines: “Not enough gadgets.” Well F^&* gadgets and F^&* witty humor and “Shaken, not stirred.”

I read the books. And the books were cool (except for the blatant racism in LIVE AND LET DIE, God I couldn’t look at a black person for a month after reading that, I was so embarrassed) mostly because 007 was a cold bastard who relied more on killing people with his bare hands than using any goofy gadgets. I see this when I see Daniel Craig’s performance.

I swear to God if the movie makers make Bond goofy with gadgets in the next movie because of all these yuckleheads, I’ll…eat their faces (yeah, I seem to be in a rut here with how to outlet my anger)! This movie is great. Watching it, I felt I was watching, well, a James Bond movie!

I was going to make a joke about Matlock in here that I think is really funny and relevant (no really), but it was a hateful remark and I’m not about the hating (although my teeth are good an’ sharp, just sayin’). Instead, I’ll say, go see this movie. Send a message to all the haters out there that they can’t dictate what movies we can and can’t see based on their love of nostalgia. If the lovers of the Batman TV show had had a voice on the internet, we’d have all gone to see “Batman and Robin” (although I’m pretty sure we all did see it and I’m truly sorry for bringing it up).

Now, I know this is yet another post from me that doesn’t deal with comics and many of you are nervous that I may get in trouble. But going on the picture of the half-naked hottie in the previous post, I’m pretty sure Jay has kidnapped and/or murdered Brandon and taken over the blog. So I should be fine. However, if Brandon does return, alive and unharmed, I will be posting about comics again as early as tomorrow.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE is in theaters now. Go see it! And while you’re on an action high, head on down to Bent Wookee Comix located on 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown to purchase some action packed comics full of your favorite heroes!

FRIDAY NOV. 21 OPEN AFTER 5


Ugh! I hate snow.... and it's suppose to do it all day. So, the store won't be open until after 5:00 today. Call ahead before 5, if the roads start clearing up. Maybe someone will feel adventurous enough to brave the storm.


So, just stay in bed until then.....you can buy your funny books later today.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

LIVE COMIC REVIEW!!!!!



Welcome to my live review of JONAH HEX #37. That’s right, I will be reviewing this book LIVE as I read it. To be honest, I picked JONAH HEX because this issue looks terrible. You have three crudely drawn (sorry Jordi Bernet) vixens sexing up the cover. It looks like they got the drop on Jonah using their feminine whiles (boobs).

The book starts off with Jonah sitting at a campfire with an old coot who’s pretty heavy into his backwoods annunciation. I forget what he was complaining about (like I just read it), something about babies and “times is hard”. Somebody ambushes them and Jonah shoots one of them, but then he leaves the other three alive??? WTF??? Jonah Hex is DC’s Punisher! These guys should be dead.

Enter the three heroines. It looks like they’re part of some circus act and they’re being screwed over by the owner. They tell him to “PLANK UP” the money he owes them or they’ll walk. He replies that if they don’t leave him alone, he’ll “put the three of ya across my knee and WAKE THE SNAKES” (I feel kinda dirty reading this).

Holy crap! He just smashed Daisy’s face! And now they’re attacking him! And what the plank does “Bi Dose” mean (it sounds sexy)??? Oh, there you go! Not five pages into the book and already they’re attacking his manhood. Then the women race off into the night, only to turn up the next day and bust out the three stooges Jonah Hex apprehended at the beginning??? What in tarnation? Oh! I get it, they’s kin.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t one of the three girls from the circus. It was a different girl (that’s what happens when you draw iconic characters and everyone looks the same). No, OUR three heroines ride past the fugitives and on into town where they find the sheriff tied up. Before you can say “bondage fantasy” they untie him and he pretends not to notice their cartoony bosoms.
Oh, I get it. The one girl is Asian. That’s why she doesn’t use conjunctive verbs. The sheriff runs off to gather some men while the girls offer to go get Jonah. But they’re not going to get Jonah. Because they’ve decided to go after the fugitives themselves. They know they can’t lie to Jonah; he’d see right through that. That’s when one of them volunteers to seduce Jonah Hex with her fun jugs. If he falls for this I am SO going to through this comic book across the room.

HOLY #$^%&!!! He fell for it! They have sex, scarred face and all. She hits him on the head and he wakes up tied to a chair. And before you can say “bom-chikka-bow-wow!” the girl is gone and Jonah escapes and heads after them.

The bad guys have caught a stage full of money and witnesses to their previous crimes. They are in the middle of negotiations as our villains don’t seem to like killin’ (yeah, I just groaned myself). We cut to our heroines who are watching the bad guys and suddenly Jonah Hex appears with the girl who seduced him, all tied-up and over his shoulder. And before you can say “Thank you, Sir. May I please have another?”, the Asian lady attacks him with her bird. And before you can say “crazy Japanese porn”, it turns out the bird is an eagle that she has trained to be her trusty sidekick.

You have to be kidding me! “Penelope Pitstop” just fell off a cliff and is hanging from the only root/branch for miles around. Jonah lowers a whip to her and tells her to “nice an’ slow, start pulling.” And before you can “group hug” they all join together in pursuit of the fugitives…who they don’t catch???

Finally, Jonah meets up with the aforementioned “old coot” from the beginning and (you gotta be kidding me) gives him the money the fugitives had stolen and hid away. Why would he even do that??? And how would he know where the money was if he never caught the badguys??? And how long has he known where it was??? Oh God, I’m never going to get back the last 20 minutes! Never! I should really #^*)ing go and stick my head in my oven! Like REALLY!

Don’t be alarmed. I’m sure I won’t do anything like that. And I probably have an electric oven anyway. This is how I normally react to most comics. But there are cool comics out there and by “THERE”, I mean Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. See ya there!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

What's Happening?


I would love to review of a show about three likeable teenage youths from the inner city who hang out at the local dinner trading quips and hatching half-baked schemes to beat boredom. But this is a comic book site, so instead I’m going to review a movie about mass suicide instead.

Well, okay, I watched the movie with my niece while we were working on our comic so its kind of tied into comics. Or not. It doesn’t matter; the only thing I read this week was more HOUSE OF MYSTERY and I don’t want to review that again. And every one of our customers has been talking about it. Plus I’m feeling all MAVERICKY so here goes:

One time I asked Jeremy Waltman, the artist, if he could write me a Batman story. I figured writing a Batman story was just about the easiest thing in the world to do. Like there was no way to make a Batman story boring or lame. Unless maybe you just had Batman walk around an empty warehouse doing nothing.

Jeremy chose option B (don‘t worry, I fixed it). Just for the record, Jeremy is now a professional artist down in Florida while I work in a comic store.

Anywhoo, watching THE HAPPENING, I got a feeling of déjà vu. First you got this chick jabbing a hair pin into her neck (all I kept thinking was they would never let her take that onto a plane). I’m not ruining anything because they show it in the trailer. In fact they show every death in the trailer. Like the construction workers walking off the roof. The old ladie smashing her face through the window. They may not have shown the policeman and the people near him shooting themselves with the gun but you could see that coming a mile away. Oh, yeah, SPOILER ALERT.

The death scenes were both fascinating and horrific, although, like I said, you could see each one coming a mile away. So the movie was kinda like a FACES OF DEATH with a plot. Only watching that plot was kind of like watching Batman walk around an empty warehouse (see how I keep tying this to comics stuff?). And to top it off, I couldn’t watch Mark Wahlberg’s performance without thinking of “Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals” (you try it).

But I did like the scene where Mark Wahlberg’s character told his wife about flirting with the Pharmacist. That’ll teach her to have lunch with “Joey” behind Mark’s back.

All in all the movie creeped me out and kind of left me feeling depressed like that time I saw the video of the guy with no face. But why would I want to pay for that when there’s YouTube?

You can’t get this DVD at Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. But you can get the newest issue of Amazing Spider-Man and The Boys and any of hundreds of other titles. So see ya there!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

#1 In The Hood, G

Has it really been three weeks since my last post? Sweet Odin's Beard, time is flying. I really have been neglecting my duties over here and I'm trying to find time to squeeze stuff in. I know I had a similar rant last time so I will spare everyone the same details. Let's just say I am easily behind an entire week of comics and my duties over at my main blog, The Suburban Rob Rossis, has been keeping me quite busy.

But in the spirit of getting back into reviewing (and now that the rigged costume contest is out of the way) I'm going to do a quick one on a book I read probably two weeks ago, New Avengers #46:


With the entire Marvel Universe being run over by the Secret Invasion stuff, New Avengers and Mighty Avengers have been focusing on the the back story of what happened when the Skrulls landed from a month ago. I myself have become sick of the story because I read at least four of these stories a week and most of them are completely pointless. It's also coming to the point where other non-core books have moved part the whole Secret Invasion thing because they couldn't tread water any longer waiting for the big wrap up. This kind of takes down the whole event a notch already unintentionally.

So going into this book, I figured it would be another useless tie in with a back story I really didn't need to know, this time involving how the villains got involved. I don't know much about The Hood, other than what I've read in his earlier appearances in New Avengers. I never read his mini-series and didn't realize until I just looked it up that he has only been around for the last six years, which is pretty new in the comics community. Since I don't understand who he is or why people would follow him, I've never really cared for the character. That would change with this issue.

Madam Masque, who is in the Hood's Syndicate of Criminals, is captured by agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and lead to a room for interrogation. When she refuses to cooperate, the agents decide they are going to pull an old wrestling trick and try to remove the mask from a defenseless prisoner. The Hood pops in (which is an ability I didn't know he had) and lays waste to her captures. When the agents revert to their true nature, it changes everything for the Hood.

Upon interrogating the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D agent with a pulse, the criminals find out some vital information about the Skrull invasion. The interrogation goes a little too far so they are left with some questions to which they have no answers. Panic starts setting in with the criminals and the Hood has to use some of his cape's mojo to see if everyone is who they say they are. One unlucky criminal was not and he ends up like his alien brethren. The Hood has the Syndicate burn the warehouse to the ground then retires to his house to get some answers about the extent of the hood's powers. The answer will surely come as a shock to a member of the New Avengers team.

So which criminal was a Skrull? Who is behind the Hood's powers? Wanna know what happens? Buy the book, available at Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. See ya there!

Monday, November 03, 2008

COSTUME CONTEST CONTESTANTS!




Here it is people....The Choices for BESTEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME! You're choices are limited to the three: FLASH, BATMAN, AND INDIANA JONES! Why only three you ask? Because these are the only three with the cajones to show off their Halloween spirit! That's right! So vote away!
Halloween night I did end up at Ace's (big shout out to Terri from Ribbon Grass!), where at least that sated my Halloween enthusiasm. So if you couldn't muster up the Spirit to hit the shop in your costume, you can show some support to your fellow customers by voting on the sidebar at the right! MAY THE BEST COSTUME WIN!