BENT WOOKEE COMIX (..we have issues..)

BENT WOOKEE COMIX (..we have issues..)
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Sunday, November 23, 2008

I Went To See The Moloids And All I Got Was This Lousy Glowstick

First things first, I have no captured Brandon nor have I murdered him. I will confess that I have attempted to wrangle Brandon into trips to both Toronto and New Jersey but he always finds excuses to stay close to his lady. With that being said, I believe the reason he posted a lovely picture of Megan (Ms. Fox if you're nasty) laying around wearing what we would have seen if Eve didn't bite that damn apple, is because my influence has finally manifested itself. If I was allowed to show full blown porn on my main site, I would be doing that daily, but I can't so I have to go with much more subtle images. It looks like Brandon is following the same course, and to that, I say "Bravo, sir".

Second, I figured I'd better post a review about something before Vinson starts reviewing stereo instructions because it seems like he is hitting everything but comics right now. Do I plan on doing a review of "Punisher War Zone" when it comes out? Probably not. Unless Ms. Fox (I'm nasty) makes a cameo as the peasant girl the Mexican villagers offer to Frank as a form of thanks for coming to their village. If I was directing the scene, it would be a point of view shot, looking down on Ms. Fox while she works...um, what were we talking about?

Oh yes, a review. How about Wolverine #69? Let's face it, I was going to review this book because of the number alone. That's how I roll, like I'm still in the fifth grade.


We are onto Part 4 of "Old Man Logan", which is set 50 years in the future. Most of the heroes died in some event that hasn't been explained yet, but Wolverine is still alive, as is the former Avenger Hawkeye. Hawkeye comes to Logan for help driving across country to deliver some unnamed precious cargo to the East Coast. Logan has sworn off violence and only agrees to take Hawkeye because he needs the money. I guess the mortgage crisis doesn't get any better in the future.

The issue starts out with Hawkeye about to get whacked by his mocha colored daughter Ashley, who is the new Spider-Girl. Logan drives the Spider-Jeep or whatever it is called through the wall to make the save. He grabs him just in time and they make their escape by the most unconventional means possible. Ashley sends her goons out after them. In a scene that could have been in Mad Max if the apocalypse occurred in suburbia (did you see the punch bug towing the trailer in pursuit?), the heroes try to outrun their pursuers. The ground opens up like Paris Hilton on a first date and everyone is swallowed up into a cavernous hole. Insert Paris joke here.

Logan wakes up a few hours later to discover the Moloids have been dining like they were at an all you can eat Chinese buffet. Of course, they don't have to pay extra for crab legs they won't eat. Logan finds Hawkeye, blind but still intact, and they make their escape by driving up the caverns walls. It is the Spider-Jeep or whatever it is called after all.

They make their way through the country side and some interesting sights can be seen but are not explained. How could dinosaurs survive in Wyoming? What happened to Loki in a big fight Logan missed? Why is the Venom symbiote without a host in the South Dakota mountains? Who is that fifth head carved into Mount Rushmore? These questions are not answered at this point, but hopefully they will be soon.

Logan and Hawkeye stop for a beer in Iowa and are hassled by two locals who think Wolverine likes it in through the out door. The old Wolverine is starting to emerge as he tackles the homophobe to the ground and asks him if he wants Logan to pop his brain cherry. I'm sure that would hurt worse than the regular cherry. Logan storms outside and Hawkeye wants to know what happened to him all those years ago. Logan's answer: "Sit down an' I'll tell you."

What is Logan going to say? How did he survive when all the other heroes fell? What did they do to him exactly? I haven't had this much anticipation for the next comic since I first started reading "The Boys". Wanna know what happens next or catch up on Parts 1 through 3? Buy the books, available at Bent Wookee Comix located at 127 Fairfield Avenue in the West End section of Johnstown. See ya there!

1 comment:

Vinson said...

Don't be ridiculous. No one born after 1970 reads stereo instructions.